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Literature
Inside Me
Everyday is a fresh start
Wondering will I see the next morning
I keep going
even though the futures uncertain
I think about it every day
and fear day will bring
life never guaranteed an easy ride
but I keep booking
seems I'm hurdling towards death
when I'm not looking
with questions left that I don't know
and I'm feeling bad
sometimes hate is the easiest out
let the anger flow and forget all about
the cancer growing inside me
I wish I knew
all the answers that I seek
but I'm left always searching
days drag on and I feel sick
drained and empty
nothing left to spare
wasting away in this shell
of a human body I call home
no tears left to shed
it hits me harder when I see
the wasted shell that is left of me
as I struggle to survive
each moment blesses me with memories
and smiles that might last
love is in my life
but I see the tears she hides
and the burden she must shoulder
which destroys me even further
tearing me apart
and I suffer
and I fear
and I accept
and I know
that one day I will
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Literature
The Hard Truths
Don't shoot me in the back, I want to see it coming.
I want to comprehend the moment before it all ends.
I want to enjoy those last few breaths before my life is taken.
I want to savor the end of this wonderful journey I have been on.
I want to pity you for your inability to savor the time that you have.
I want to thank you, I want to hate you, but most of all I want to save you.
The anticipation is killing me, pull the trigger,
pull the trigger and set me free from a world that has lost touch with itself,
a world where the failure of others is entertainment,
and nobody gives a shit if you live or die.
Pull the trigger and let me feel truly alive, let the pain be a reminder that I was here,
that I made a difference,
that I touched at least one life.
Pull the trigger......I already know I won't be going home tonight, no sense in keeping me waiting.
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Mature content
The masterpiece :iconelysiumdarkstone:elysiumdarkstone 0 0
Literature
Just say when
I'm calling you
I know its too late
but that doesn't mean
I cant try one more time
with every fiber of my soul
to get you on the phone
to say my goodbyes
and find my way home
Everyday is a struggle
between logic and fear
my addictions and vices
can't get my head clear
every bottle my savior
each drink erasing my pain
and that ten digit number
preventing my life
from going down the drain
I thought the world was so perfect
and that we would last forever
but every moment I'm alone
is another I remember in your arms
my dreams shattered
against the words I never wanted to hear
but now its time to say goodbye
six years too late
I'm losing a part of me
that i wont be able to replace
but you don't care, don't know,
have left me behind
you've moved so far on
its been years since I've seen you
and my life has been empty each day
forever on our beach
wondering why the moments slipped away
I'm sitting here watching that same sunset
the tide ebbing and flowing
on a world that ended
and was never qu
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Literature
Hallucinations
I walked away
but this wasn't the beginning of our story
it was only the end
as the twin suns set
I wondered where I would go next
as every dream was crushed
and every  memory shattered
I left behind my intents
with no reason to regret
I kept my choices solely
based on the feelings raging in my chest
the distinct beat
reminding me of that fated meeting
on a night like any other
lust and fear intermingling
with lavender on the air
as the rains misted down
we parted but never left
this place we found so perfect
but the world denied us our desires
and destroyed us inside and out
the hues of faded innocence
and scents of indiscretion
remind us deeply
of what we were the last to know
I simply walked on
without a word
or a place to stay
these watercolor fantasies
slowly washed away
in cries of agony
and rage
but now I find myself on simple paths
set in shades of gray
men walk to either side
and sometimes they simply fade away
I write to ease the pain
but the words just don't keep p
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Literature
Midnight rain
and she said to me
let go of all this pain
and I said to her
if I did i wouldn't be sane
half a lifetime away as the years pass
reflecting on those late night conversations
and quips and witty repast
my life is a mess
and its like the sky won't fall
and end this lifelong bad day
as the world just shifts and sways
like the trees I'm driving past
focused on what could have been
but wasn't or just didn't last
and the day just won't be done
and it's begun to rain
and I'm screaming at the top of my lungs
for the world to just make sense
as if the bottom would fall out
and I would fall with it
slip away
but it won't
every day I get closer
to these regrets
they call my name
like the water beating on my windshield
playing the drums along my spine
each chill, I find myself shivering
I just want to beat this steering wheel
and veer off to the right
take this truck right off the cliff
and disappear into the night
there is so much
I wish I could say and do
but I'm lacking the words
and the motivat
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Literature
One night stand,
You sit and you stare
Acting like you care
you say that you're different
acting irreverent
saying that you understand
thinking that I'll concede to your demand
your kidding yourself again because
I'm not ready
for this indifferent point of view
I'm not ready
to believe it's true
I'm not ready
for you to need me
I'm bound to know
that your indiscretions show
your plans to play me
for the fool you see
I'm not so blind
to your kind
I know because
I'm not ready
for this indignant point of view
I'm not ready
to agree with you
I'm not ready
For you to see the real me
You can't deny
The hidden truths that I
hold deep inside
even though you tried
you were denied
a view into the secrets that I hide
in the end its because
I'm not ready
for this apathetic point of view
I'm not ready
for these evil things you do
I'm not ready
For you to comprehend me
You're just like the rest
and none have past the test
my heart is locked, you have no key
for you it won't ever be set free
so try as hard as you mig
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Literature
wonder
sitting here lazily
gazing out the window
watching the rain
falling through the trees
listening to the creek
in my little piece of heaven
in this little mountain town
I'm sitting wondering
what it all means
waking up to the gentle breeze
and the sweet smell of spring
watching as the clouds loll by
and the wind blows through the trees
I just need a little more time
to solve all these riddles
and answer all these questions
regarding my choices and life
and when to say goodbye
or when to hang on
because times will get better
when my decisions are made
I watch the rain come pouring now
like the tears down my cheeks
I don't have all the answers
and I won't ever have them
a little more time, and a miracle
to figure myself out
I just need that moment of clarity
to sort these hard choices
and avoid calamity
So i'll be here in these mountains
hidden in its hollows
under these green trees
reaching for that bright light
that dream that I've held onto
hoping that I can manage
to escape this dark p
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Literature
phone call
Hello
its me again
i think that you forgot to call
or maybe your phones off
maybe you're busy
but i just wanted
to say hi, hello
how are you
what's new
I'll try again tomorrow
hey
just calling back
your phone must be off
or your doing something important
but i felt
I should see what's up
I thought we hit it off
at the party the other night
but maybe I am wrong
call me back
talk to you later
.....
you could call
i don't bite
did I scare you off?
i thought we clicked
that we found a common ground
but you don't call back
I guess I was wrong
I won't call back
See you around
.....
I'm sorry
I saw it in the news
I can't believe that was you
I had just seen you the hour before
when we shared our secrets, hopes and dreams
you never made it home
I just wanted to let you know
you seemed so very peaceful
I hope it didn't hurt
I'll see you again someday
this will be my last call
because I just wanted to say
Goodbye
goodbye
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Literature
deep end
sitting on this precipice
hoping that this all just a dream
are we denying who we have come to be?
everyday its the same
get up and get dressed
and head off to work
or to school
just to fend for ourselves
in a world that just hates
to admit its beyond saving
to deny us our fates
inside it hurts just to know
that my whole lifes a lie
based in a fantasy
of living the the life
that's expected of us
9 to 5
eat and then sleep
does it matter which way
that we accomplish this feat
smile and nod
like the sheep that we are
holding onto a sanity
perpetuated in conformity
one foot in front of the other
as the pace begins to increase
gravel to pavement
a path we oft repeat
do you hear them
the heartbeats reverberating
off steel structures and bland walls
do you see the eyes
so glassy and dull
force yourself to believe
that this is all right
accept the reality
thats provided for us
trust the hive mind
the majority is always right
act like there is nothing wrong
and accept life's pitfalls
because we
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Literature
Remembering you
As I'm walking away
does it ever occur
that this could have been avoided
that compromises could have been afforded
as we part indifferently
each reflecting
on the simplicities
of a failed romance
and an ended friendship
when we look
to our pasts
will we regret our choices
or discount our mistakes
gloss over our failures
and let the memories
fade away
there are times
when it matters
and we just don't care
we let the little things
slip our grasp
like so much sand
on the this endless beach
we call life
when the moments falter
and we realize
that it all matters
it... is too late
and everything we cared for
has slipped so far away
and age has slipped heavily in
we spend the rest of eternity
trying to relive those experiences
We, forget who we are
what we have become
and why we gave it all away
over petty indifferences
and a fear of what it all could become
and the pain we knew would eventually
inject itself into the happiest moments of our lives
so now we run
as fast as we can
toward an ind
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Literature
Never quite enough
I've never quite been enough
I just don't know
It doesn't make sense
Why I feel so low
There is nothing to say
It won't help at all
My minds all wrapped up
In the best way to fall
There has never been a moment
When I felt alive
It's time that I go
Let's take a drive
Past broken homes
On memory lane
And painful recollections
I don't want to explain
Watch as the tears slide down
Let me throw it all away
Drown in my emotions
I have little left to say
There is no cure
For this kind of sadness
It's quite infectious
A debilitating madness
The time is slipping past
I'm squandering my youth
Deprave and indifferent
Enraged and uncouth
Depression slowly rotting me
Inside out, I wish it  would end
I can't stand to see
The disappointments I can't defend
Is it my fault
That I so selfishly sought
To protect my heart
For which I so desperately fought
Nothing ever changes
There's no point in fighting
It never gets better
Only god am I slighting
When the darkness pervades
As the sun sets toni
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Literature
Dreamer's Desire
when your life comes tumbling down
and you just can't find your way home
don't give in
walk that extra mile
take that extra step
give everything it takes
before you walk away
open your eyes
to the world all around
open your heart
and see what can be found
find what you need to make it
to the end of that long, hard road
even as the rain pours down
and the journey seems impossible
walk those last few feet
and do the improbable
stand on that cliff
knowing you are not alone
in this harsh storm we call life
always remember
there is someone by your side
whenever you feel weak
someone to save you
when the world comes crashing in
and you just can't seem to go on
it's ok
stand defiant
knowing it will fade
and the sun will shine again one day
my shoulders will support you if you fall
my heart will bear your pain
my shirt will dry your tears
my life for yours
as it could be
as it should be
remember me
in the rain
throughout the haze of years to come
as I forever stand by your side
one heartbeat a
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Mature content
Dismal Repartee :iconelysiumdarkstone:elysiumdarkstone 0 0
Literature
Life
So the day is done my friend
and as the sun sets on this great adventure
ill say again the journey has been fun
for when the sun rises tomorrow
this will be another memory
and I will be gone again
For as the moments turn to years
I'll always fondly remember
sharing our dreams and our fears
and the late night conversations
the travels and the experiences
the joy and the tears
the journeys at an end my friend
the goal is within reach
the obstacles been conquered
the horizon in the distance now at hand
time to let each other go
change has come again
it's time to say goodbye
and travel on in new directions
and as this chapter closes
upon our well worn lives
smile knowing
that our paths may someday cross
and the memories
will be shared once more
-Charles Sidoti
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Mature content
It's never easy :iconelysiumdarkstone:elysiumdarkstone 0 2

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Activity


Diagnosed with stage three esophageal cancer in April. Had surgery in July. It spread to my liver and pancreas, now stage 4 and fighting for my life. Figures.....

deviantID

elysiumdarkstone
Charles
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
I am a jaded person, I try so hard to focus but always lose sight. I am that friend who isn't always there when needed but when it comes to those moments when they are needed the most they are there. I let myself down more often that I let others down. I am a success and a failure. I am a sinner and a saint. I am the hero who wishes he was a villain. I am the one who dies when nobody has to. I am the savior who showed up to late. The love of your life after you have already found happiness. I am the darkness that feeds on your soul to put the light in your life. I am worthless............

Current Residence: some place in the distant past
deviantWEAR sizing preference: L
Favourite genre of music: Alternative
Favourite photographer: none
Favourite style of art: pixel
Operating System: Linux
MP3 player of choice: Itunes
Shell of choice: My design
Wallpaper of choice: Dark Elysium
Skin of choice: Eternal Hours
Favourite cartoon character: Spider-Man
Personal Quote: Life is fragile
Interests

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:iconwildrainoficeandfire:
WildRainOfIceAndFire Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2010  Professional Photographer
:iconiluvyou::iconpinkballoonplz::iconiluvyou:Thank you for the watch!!! :iconiluvyou::iconpinkballoonplz::iconiluvyou:
Reply
:iconalicjarodzik:
AlicjaRodzik Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2008  Professional Photographer
:heart:
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:iconcloudstrife1993:
CloudStrife1993 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2008
Thanks for the fave :star:
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:iconfinal-s:
final-S Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2007   Interface Designer
Thanks for the fav
Reply
:iconpaulistana:
Paulistana Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2006
Interesting that you list Poe as your favorite poet... For the longest time, I identified with Annabelle Lee from his poem with the same name...
Reply
:iconherbiejonesie:
herbiejonesie Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2005
How's the U of F treaing you?
Reply
:iconx41:
X41 Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2005
thanx for the watch! ^^
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:iconelysiumdarkstone:
elysiumdarkstone Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
hmmm
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:iconpirate-trish:
pirate-trish Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2005
Happy Valentine's Day! :skullbones::heart: you are an official pirate valentine!
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:iconceruleanmoon:
CeruleanMoon Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2005   Writer
I know you said your last poem might be the one you posted on the 3rd, but I really really like your poetry :(
Lots of luv
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